Are Autistic Children Born the Parents' Fault?

 “TThere is no mother in this world, who wants her child to get an Autism diagnosis.
Likewise, no child asks to be born with Autism.”
Gayatri Pamoedji (200 Questions and Answers About Autism Book)

No human being is free from mistakes. And autistic children, are not solely entrusted to a family, because of the mistakes of their parents.

Parents, especially mothers, often blame themselves for what happened and happened to their children, even more so when their child gets a diagnosis of autism from a doctor or expert. The world feels like it's about to collapse as if adding to the burden of everyday problems becomes heavy and long to go through.

The diagnosis of autism can occur in anyone's offspring from various cultural backgrounds, social strata, and economic and educational conditions. 

It is natural for parents to blame themselves for the conditions or developmental delays experienced by their children. And actually, it is a natural response and reaction from humans, especially parents of children with special needs. As disclosed by Elizabeth Kubler Ross in her book, “In Death and Dying”

She said that humans have specific reactions in facing life's trials. And the response is divided into five stages:

• DENIAL (Refusing to Accept Reality)

Usually characterized by disbelief when receiving a diagnosis. The parents' feelings will then be confused: what a diagnosis means, what to do at once, and why this has to happen to their child; where is wrong? What's the cause? And so forth? This confusion is very human because, generally, parents want the best for their offspring. It's not easy for any parent to accept what happened. Often there is shame in parents admitting that this happened to their family. The situation becomes even more complicated if parents/families with autistic children experience social pressure from the environment. That their offspring are 'different' and 'imperfect.' Sometimes, even large families need time to process and admit this.

• ANGER

Often when you are in this phase, it is usually taken out on several parties at once. Can the doctor who gave the diagnosis? It could also be to yourself or a spouse. It can also appear as refusing to care for the child. Statements that often arise in the heart (as a reaction to anger) appear in the form, "It's not fair. Why are we experiencing this?" or "What exactly did we do wrong?"

• BARGAINING

At this stage parents try to comfort themselves with statements such as: "Maybe if we wait a little longer, things will get better on their own."

• DEPRESSION

Appears in the form of despair, depression, and loss of hope. Sometimes depression can also cause guilt, especially on the part of the mother who is worried whether the cause of the child with autism is due to negligence during pregnancy or the result of sins in the past. From the father's side, he often feels guilty because he cannot give a perfect child. Despair, as part of depression, will appear when parents begin to imagine the future that their child will face. Especially regarding parental inheritance if parents die first. Hopes for the future of children become cloudy, and questions arise, "Will our children be able to live independent and be useful for others?" In the depression stage, parents tend to be gloomy, withdraw from the social environment, be tired, and lose their passion for life.

• ACCEPTANCE

At this stage, parents have accepted reality both emotionally and intellectually. While seeking 'therapy, healing, intervention.' Parents change perceptions and expectations of children. Parents expect the best according to their child's capacity and abilities at this stage.

If parents have passed the fifth stage, can they return to the previous stage or start from the first? Of course, they can.

Human emotions are complex. If you feel you need help, consult an expert. Psychologist or psychiatrist to get counseling assistance. 

If you need strong support, please follow Instagram https://www.instagram.com/yayasanmpati/ to be able to join the MPATI Family Story.

To get the 200 TJ book about Autism, you can call the number 0813-8074-1898 (mala)** (dyk)